Gentlemen, please put on a shirt

For men only: As I type these fleeting words onto my elderly laptop, I sit outside in the shade. The current temperature is 28 C.; it feels like 32 C with the humidity. We are in for more plus-30 C heat. Typing in the shade is as much exertion as I want to expend on days like this. The dog days of summer are here.

Apart from looking at the weather forecast online, there is another way I know that summer is here: Men’s shirts are coming off. Like the tulips of spring, but not quite as beautiful, half-naked males of all ages are suddenly strolling about our streets.

While out and about this morning on Charlotte Street, a late-40ish guy walked past me on the sidewalk in the opposite direction. He was shirtless, tanned, a bit hairy on the chest, and resplendent in elaborate tattoos all over his arms. His skin was smooth, his tone was flabby and he sported a modest paunch; this protuberance trembled ever so slightly with each footfall. His tiny silver belly piercing bounced as he walked. He might have been a Men’s Health Magazine subscriber, but he was most assuredly not one of their cover models.

Lest I be falsely accused of cruel body-shaming or wanton ridicule, I too am the embarrassed owner of a modest paunch. An unwanted pandemic acquisition. I am trying to lose it or at least hide it, but there it hangs impolitely over my belt buckle, mocking all my athletic pretensions. But the public will never see my paunch.

This brings me to the issue of personal choice. Very few men possess the pleasing rippled tones of an Olympic gymnast or a bodybuilding model. For most of us — I include myself in this sorry tribe — the public will find no esthetic pleasure in viewing our naked physiques.

We are not works of art. This is a matter of artistic attractiveness that cuts across all gender identities. Gentlemen, let us do our bit to keep Peterborough beautiful this summer. Apart from at beaches, how about keeping our shirts on in public?

Bill Templeman, Boswell Avenue